Si's Life: Why am I REALLY SINGLE?

I can't tell you guys how many times I get asked on a daily basis about my love life. If I had a nickel for every time I am asked, I would be filthy rich like Angelina Jolie. These days it is apparently  taboo to be a single lady especially in her 20s and while I know my family and friends only want the best for me it can get EXTREMELY annoying and even more irritating when strangers start to but in.

I'm not some crazy feminist bashing men everywhere I go. I to have my moments where I wished I was in a relationship. Growing up, I didn't have the best examples when it came to romantic relationships. In my Asian culture, the men ran the house and as women we had to obey them. For years I watched the women in my family did everything for their men with very little reciprocation from them. I vowed to myself that when I find my prince charming I was not going to go through what the women in my family have.

My relationship history has been sort of a struggle. My dating experiences don't fill up a book much less a notebook. I have had great relationships with great men and some crappy relationships with really crappy men. And sadly I have to report I have not found my prince yet. My last so called relationship ended up with him cheating on me. After it was over I was devastated and gave up on any hope of ever finding anyone #foreveralone. Looking back now I realize how dramatic I was being after all I am only 23. Through the pain I discovered how much I took being single for granted. I had a great independence to do what I want and spend time with the people who meant the most to me. Being single has made me stronger and in turn helped me grow up... a lot. It has taught me to rely on myself more to get the things I want and actually somewhat achieve my life goals. Right now in the present when people ask me about my love life I tell them that I am exactly where I want to be. I have a job that I love, I am going to grad school to pursue my dream career to become a trauma/transplant counselor and have the love and support from some of the best people ever and all without A MAN. I am not going to take this time for granted and just going along for the ride. When the time comes I will meet the right person.

Si's Life Relationship Series Part 4

Relationship with Self

“Life is too short to waste any amount of time on wondering what other people think about you. In the first place, if they had better things going on in their lives, they wouldn't have the time to sit around and talk about you. What's important to me is not others' opinions of me, but what's important to me is my opinion of myself.” 
― C. JoyBell C.

Welcome to the last of the relationship series. I hope you guys have enjoyed these posts and hopefully would like some more of these types of posts in the near future!

Now I saved the best one and the most important one for last. Out of all the relationships we have talked about the most important one out of all is the relationship you have with yourself. While this may sound funny to some of you out there, having a relationship with yourself is the best kind of relationship there is and in order for you to have relationships with others you must have one with yourself first.

Having a relationship with yourself is exactly like having a relationship with someone. In a relationship people take care and support each other. A relationship with yourself means that you need to take care, support and most of all love yourself. Accept your flaws, your perfections, your personality. Accept what makes you you. This is definitely easier said than done. With the stress of our everyday lives and not to mention the media today, it can be very difficult to love yourselves. We have jobs, family, peer pressure, friends to focus on and through all that we tend to lose ourselves and that is something you cannot let happen ever. If we don't love and take care of ourselves how do we love and take care of others? 

TIPS ON HAVING A HEALTHY SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP WITH SELF

- Don't ever let anyone tell you who you can't be only you have the power to decide that!

-Accept your flaws as perfections

-Live only for you and no one else

And mostly importantly LIVEEEEE!!!!

Red Eye- Andy Grammer (A little inspiration!)

xoxo

Si's Life Relationship Series Part 3

Relationship with God

What God intended for you goes far beyond anything you can imagine.- Oprah

Religion has always been an interesting subject to me. Growing up I was raised in a very non-traditional Buddhist family. While my family prayed to Buddha and visited temples occasionally they weren't as strict. I was never pushed to believe in what they had believed but was always encouraged to pray.

When I moved to the states my parents sent me and my siblings to an Episcopalian school. This was my first true experience with religion. I ended up attending church and reading the Bible which I thought was very interesting. I found myself so involved with the idea that God is with you no matter where you are and will forgive you for anything. I thought wow this God is pretty amazing. I was so intrigued that I was very close to converting. However when I was 10 I was diagnosed with Alport Syndrome which is a form of chronic kidney failure. Suddenly I found myself angry at Buddha and at God. Isn't God suppose to be a protector? Why was I suffering through this when I did nothing wrong? At this point I found myself so lost I denounced all religions initially becoming an Atheist. This went on for quite sometime. I continued to show respect to all religions but I still found myself angry. Not only was I dealing with this illness I also had to deal with deaths of close friends and family members. I had people coming up to me telling me that they were in a better place and that God had planned it this way. So it was God's plan to take my best friend away at the age of 7 due to heart failure? Who gets heart failure at the age of 7? Even today I am still very uncomfortable when people tell me this. I became even more angry and was leaning towards the path of hating God and religion in general. 

I ended up receiving a kidney transplant my senior year of high school. And people continued to tell me to thank God. I thanked my mom who gave me a kidney not God. He wasn't the one who had himself cut open. 

A couple years later my last year in college I got caught up in stress and ended up becoming very ill. I was diagnosed with chronic kidney failure yet again. The kidney my mom gave me had rejected. The doctors had told me the chance of getting another kidney and actually surviving the surgery was very slim for me given my condition. For the first time in years I broke down and did something I haven't done in years and that was pray. This isn't one of those inspiration stories trying to convert you believe me the last thing I want to do is pursue you guys into God. I prayed and prayed and fortunately my prayers were answered and somehow I ended up getting another kidney and not only that I ended up recovering 20x faster than my first transplant. Even my doctor complimented me and told me he has never had a patient that had recovered so quickly and so well. This was definitely some other world doing. If you guys heard my prognosis you would also be surprised. During surgery I had almost died due to a blood vessel issue.Never in my life have I felt to grateful and blessed all at the same time. 

While I can't proclaim I am 100% religious I definitely believe that there is a higher power watching over us. I can't explain it and I honestly don't think anyone can it is just a matter of believing and as cliche as it sounds having faith. Today I still pray. I don't go to temple or church but I do pray. 

Going through what I gone through definitely gave me a new perspective and understanding. It's not about some book and scriptures religion in my opinion is hope. It inspires that even in our darkest hours there is still away.

I hope for those of you out there who still haven't found something to believe in pray. Why not try, what do you have to lose?

xoxo

Si's Life Relationship Series Part 2

Relationship with family

"I know why families were created with all their imperfections. They humanize you. They are made to make you forget yourself occasionally, so that the beautiful balance of life is not destroyed." -Anais Nin

This is a very touchy topic for me. I didn't grow up in what most people would call a "normal" family setting. I didn't have what most people refer to today as a nuclear family which consists of parents and siblings. My parents had me at a young age and wasn't quite ready to handle the responsibility. And no this isn't one of those Teen Mom stories we see on MTV. My parents had just hit their 20s which was considered quite early back then in China especially when compared to today where 16 year olds are popping out babies like rabbits. My parents when they had me still had an urge to explore the world more and just be young. So I was raised by my grandparents and extended family. While most kids would be terribly upset if their parents abandon them to pursue their own interests, I was quite happy. My grandparents, aunts, uncles, and countless cousins made sure that I grew up loved and loved I was. I still got the occasional check in from my parents who had settled in the states. To be completely honest the years I spent apart with them I never was upset.

Eventually my parents did send for me and at the age of 5 and a half I moved to the states along with my grandparents (who were still my guardians) to be with my parents. My move didn't exactly change the relationship I had with my parents. A couple months later my parents were pregnant with my little sister and years after my little brother so all their focus was evidently on them. My parents and I got along well enough for our situation being the way it was but I was never able to develop that parent child relationship with my parents. Financially they still supported me to try and make up for lost times but it was my grandparents who took over most of the responsibility of raising me from giving me advice to sitting up with me for hours when I got sick. My point of telling my story isn't about venting about my parents or making you guys feel sorry for me but rather families come in all shapes and sizes. Some of us may have parents and grandparents but others may consider friends as their family. Just because you don't have that "perfect nuclear" family it doesn't mean you still can't have your perfect family. I was very fortunate for my extended family and for all they have done for me. Part of being in a family means that no matter what we always need to find a way to accept each other. My parents are who they are and I wouldn't change them. Just because they weren't the best parents to me they are good and kind people and I do love them in my own way and grateful for all they have done for me in my life.

However sometimes as much as we want to love and be loved by our families there are certain situations where we have to know when to walk away. I was recently chatting with a friend of mine who we will call Mary for this blog post (named changed for privacy reasons, but she did give me permission to share her story). Mary's parents divorced when she was really young. She ended up living with her mom. When Mary was 10 her mom died of a brain tumor. She was sent to live her dad in another state. Her dad was remarried so Mary thought she would now have the perfect family. Over the next couple of years things were not good. While Mary gave me her permission to tell her story I still don't feel 100% comfortable sharing it. But I will say that her dad and stepmom are not good people. No matter how much Mary wanted that "perfect" family, she knew she had to get herself out of the situation that clearly wasn't right for her. Mary ended up leaving and moving in with her mom's parents. When Mary was telling me this story I was tearing up not only for her situation but because she was so brave and still determined to get herself a loving family. Mary today is a strong, beautiful and independent person who has her perfect family. She currently is working towards to getting her social work degree so she can help others find their perfect family. 

xoxo