Relationship with family
"I know why families were created with all their imperfections. They humanize you. They are made to make you forget yourself occasionally, so that the beautiful balance of life is not destroyed." -Anais Nin
This is a very touchy topic for me. I didn't grow up in what most people would call a "normal" family setting. I didn't have what most people refer to today as a nuclear family which consists of parents and siblings. My parents had me at a young age and wasn't quite ready to handle the responsibility. And no this isn't one of those Teen Mom stories we see on MTV. My parents had just hit their 20s which was considered quite early back then in China especially when compared to today where 16 year olds are popping out babies like rabbits. My parents when they had me still had an urge to explore the world more and just be young. So I was raised by my grandparents and extended family. While most kids would be terribly upset if their parents abandon them to pursue their own interests, I was quite happy. My grandparents, aunts, uncles, and countless cousins made sure that I grew up loved and loved I was. I still got the occasional check in from my parents who had settled in the states. To be completely honest the years I spent apart with them I never was upset.
Eventually my parents did send for me and at the age of 5 and a half I moved to the states along with my grandparents (who were still my guardians) to be with my parents. My move didn't exactly change the relationship I had with my parents. A couple months later my parents were pregnant with my little sister and years after my little brother so all their focus was evidently on them. My parents and I got along well enough for our situation being the way it was but I was never able to develop that parent child relationship with my parents. Financially they still supported me to try and make up for lost times but it was my grandparents who took over most of the responsibility of raising me from giving me advice to sitting up with me for hours when I got sick. My point of telling my story isn't about venting about my parents or making you guys feel sorry for me but rather families come in all shapes and sizes. Some of us may have parents and grandparents but others may consider friends as their family. Just because you don't have that "perfect nuclear" family it doesn't mean you still can't have your perfect family. I was very fortunate for my extended family and for all they have done for me. Part of being in a family means that no matter what we always need to find a way to accept each other. My parents are who they are and I wouldn't change them. Just because they weren't the best parents to me they are good and kind people and I do love them in my own way and grateful for all they have done for me in my life.
However sometimes as much as we want to love and be loved by our families there are certain situations where we have to know when to walk away. I was recently chatting with a friend of mine who we will call Mary for this blog post (named changed for privacy reasons, but she did give me permission to share her story). Mary's parents divorced when she was really young. She ended up living with her mom. When Mary was 10 her mom died of a brain tumor. She was sent to live her dad in another state. Her dad was remarried so Mary thought she would now have the perfect family. Over the next couple of years things were not good. While Mary gave me her permission to tell her story I still don't feel 100% comfortable sharing it. But I will say that her dad and stepmom are not good people. No matter how much Mary wanted that "perfect" family, she knew she had to get herself out of the situation that clearly wasn't right for her. Mary ended up leaving and moving in with her mom's parents. When Mary was telling me this story I was tearing up not only for her situation but because she was so brave and still determined to get herself a loving family. Mary today is a strong, beautiful and independent person who has her perfect family. She currently is working towards to getting her social work degree so she can help others find their perfect family.
xoxo
No comments:
Post a Comment